When I first started my blog, I had no idea the impact (if any) that it would have on my life, or on the life of anyone else. I just needed to write – to get things off my chest. To hopefully be heard, but most importantly, hopefully help someone else through my journey.
Only a few days into my new blog, I received an email from Military Spouse magazine. “What’s this?” I thought to myself. I then opened an email that would forever change my life.
This email was in regard to a nomination for the 2015 Military Spouse of the Year Award. I briefly touched on this in my Military Equality post: the dear friend that nominated me has a husband too, but through a series of IED blasts he had to be removed from the deployment. He worked through the pain for months. Stayed on deployment much longer than he should have, but he would not leave his fellow Soldiers. It got to the point where he could hardly walk. They couldn’t find answers. This was over four years ago. They still do not have answers, and they are still sacrificing.
And with all of that, she nominates me. Me? Somehow, someway, I made an impact on her life. But what I want her to know, is what an impact she and her husband have had in my life. When I need strength, I look to them. When I need patience, I look to them. When I need to remind myself what unconditional love within the military is, I look to them.
And when I think of my own struggles, I am reminded that I am not alone. I am reminded that each military family has their own struggles and challenges, regardless of branch, deployment status, MOS, etc.
You can ask my husband – I was pretty upset, bitter, angry, confused, and a whole bunch of other emotions when this deployment came into our life. I kept wanting to change our situation. He’s served before, now we have a young daughter, and I was left asking myself “why us, why now, why does he have to go…again?”
He would attempt to answer these questions: This is what he’s called to do, we’re not the only family making sacrifices, he would always regret it if he didn’t go, and the list goes on and on. Are all of these answers reasonable? Absolutely. But, in the moment, those aren’t necessarily the things we’re wanting to hear. Sometimes, we just want to have an adult version of a tantrum.
And honestly, that’s where I was at. For a long time, for a period of time longer than it should have been. Yes, this is a challenge for me – but its a daily challenge for 1,000’s of our military families across the world. And when that nomination email came to my inbox, the reality of the situation and the need for a change in my heart was all too apparent.
Maybe I’m the first spouse to feel this way (doubtful), or maybe I’m taking a leap of faith here in voicing my struggles. To acknowledge that yes, this is hard, really, really hard. I want other spouses and military significant others (or anyone – mother, sister, daughter, father, son, brother, etc.) to know that its okay to acknowledge the struggles and challenges of loving and supporting a US Service-member. It’s a rewarding vulnerability for sure – but one that is so, so worth it.
To my friend who took the time to submit a nomination for me: I love you. I cherish you. I honor you. I see you. I hear you. I will speak up for you. I want you to know how humbled I have been through this process, and that I take both the nomination and role of 2015 Oregon National Guard Military Spouse of the Year whole heartedly – and with a sense of motivation, drive, passion, and determination.
The timing of this whole process was nothing short of “perfect timing.” This process has allowed me to heal, renew my pursuit of military equality, and love my husband and this crazy life in new ways. To anyone who loves and supports a US service member – I love you. I cherish you. I honor you. I see you. I hear you. And I will speak up for you.
Pingback: Military Equality: My Mission (and an upcoming series) | LEO MIL Spouse